I don’t go to Facebook very often. Frankly because I get sick of seeing whose child has been recently toilet trained, or who has given who a plant/animal/sexually transmitted disease on those silly games they play.
But today while scrolling through the announcements of impending doom marriages, new engagements, pregnancies, job promotions and bowel movements I came to a rather harsh realization.
It seems while everyone else my age is falling in love, getting married and having babies I’ve been busy having abortions, getting divorced and making plans to go back to University.
<<<<<<CRASH BANG TINKLE>>>>>>
Did you hear that? Yep. That’s was my emotional train de-railing. The tinkle part was the shattering of my childhood dreams.
I realise it’s alright to be a wreck sometimes. That it’s not THE END OF THE WORLD I’m fast approaching 30 and none of my dreams have yet been realized. Lately, however, I seem to have lost all my strength and every single damn day is a struggle.
In this moment as I sit here wrapped up in my flaws and failings, safe in this uncomfortable but familiar bed I have made for myself I know I have two choices.
I can wish upon a star and just hope things work out for me. Or I can change my attitude, and change my life.
So if you’ll excuse me I’m going to get out the dustpan and brush, pick up the pieces of my broken dreams and try to put them back together with cloth tape and superglue. I won’t even sniff the glue. Promise.
Then I’m going to put one foot in front of the other and keep fighting to make my dreams come true – or die trying. Hopefully not in a train wreck though, because that would be kind of fucked up.
On a side note, the ‘i’ key has fallen off my keyboard and I’ve lost it. After thoughtful consideration about writing this post completely without i’s and figuring that would make me look drunk be very hard to read I persevered. You’re WELCOME.