An ode to the spider that attacked me in the shower

For some reason this post decided to come out as a poem.  I’m sorry.  Possibly because it’s therapeutic to rhyme about the memories you want to repress.  I don’t know. 

Just so you know, the last poem I wrote was in 10th grade.  Just sayin’.  I am a bit worried about the… you know… comma’s and full stops and capital letters and such… what’s that called again?  Also, my memory.  Obviously.

***

An Ode to the Spider than attacked me in the shower 

I’m not a morning person,

it’s really hard for me to care,

about what I did to you this morning,

it was really only fair.

 

My eyes were still adjusting,

it was cold and fairly dim.

I stripped out of my pj’s,

and to the shower I stepped in.

 

Then BAM you dropped beside me

AND I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT,

I scrambled out of the shower,

with a squeal and a shout.

 

I have arachnophobia,

and if you don’t know what that means,

I’m scared of fucking spiders,

and you looked  REALLY FUCKING MEAN.

 

I cowered in the corner,

really feeling quite insane,

naked, cold and shaking,

as you circled around the drain.

 

My ammo: empty bottles

Of lotion and shampoo,

my aim was to destroy you,

And this I think you knew.

 

The look of pure evil,

was twinkling in your eye,

As I aimed that final bottle,

I think you knew that you would die.

 

I saw you looking at me,

with yours legs slightly askew,

I launched the apple body scrub,

and through the air it flew.

 

With a thud the bottle landed,

right according to my plans,

body bent and twitching,

your spider blood upon my hands.

 

To all your friends and family

Who are breeding in my house,

I hope you take this as a warning –

FUCK WITH ME I’LL TAKE YOU OUT!

***

So, you’re still here?  I am surprised.  I really didn’t think you’d make it to the end.  But I am glad you did.  I promise the whole poetry thing won’t happen often.

PS.  I wanted to find a photo of a spider to pretty up the post, but I did a google image search now I am having trouble closing my eyes because I keep seeing freaky evil dead spiders everywhere.  Yep.  Looking forward to sleeping tonight.

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6 responses to “An ode to the spider that attacked me in the shower

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