Is this your penis?

*THIS POST IS NSFW.  ACTUALLY, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU DON’T SCROLL DOWN.*

It was a beautiful morning, and I was sitting on my front verandah with my smokes breakfast and some vodka freshly brewed coffee.

As usual, I open my e-mail, twitter, and facebook and see what’s new with the online world.

That’s when it happened.  Random Penis. ON MY EMAIL.

I joined a social/dating site a few of my friends were on, and the photo sent to me from someone who wants to ‘be my friend’.  ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!? 

I have also had about 10 emails in broken English, and 4 one line messages asking if I want sex.  Still no real people.  Maybe I need to change my profile picture?

So, as I am currently quite drunk and it’s about 2am, I thought I would post a photo of said penis in the hopes that someone will recognise it.  I’d really like to return it as soon as possible.   I’m just not that kind of girl.

HAS ANYONE SEEN THIS PENIS?

HAS ANYONE SEEN THIS PENIS?

I’m the kind of girl who has a blog, and isn’t afraid to use it.

Ps.  If you have nothing better to do, follow me on twitter here.  

Pps. I am really really really drunk and I wanted to say thank you to all you people who are making me feel the online bloggy kind of love.  You know who you are.  I love you guys.

Pps.  You really shouldn’t join twitter.  It’s distracting.  I spent 45 minutes looking up what temperature to preheat the oven to for my cupcakes because I kept checking twitter first, then going back to the kitchen and remembering I STILL hadn’t looked it up.

Ppps.  Did I warn you at the start of this post that I was drunk?  I probably should have.  Last night I was also drunk, and came home wearing only one sock, but both my boots.  It’s okay though, I didn’t wear socks tonight.  I learn from my mistakes.

Advertisements

11 responses to “Is this your penis?

  • Miss Rosa

    Guys trying to get you with photos of penis? Welcome to my world.

    That one’s a curvy banana though.

  • Mr Farty

    Sorry, I didn’t realise I’d left the webcam turned on.

  • Trixie

    I work in an auto parts store every other Saturday. I swear to jeebus, if the guys in the repair shops could do it they’d send me pictures of their penises all day long.

    I once had a guy tell me that he didn’t want me answering the phones anymore because every time I did he had to “clean up”. Ew.

    So you see, they invade your phone life too! And your work life. We’re not safe anywhere!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

  • Veronica

    It sort of looks like my ex-boyfriends penis. But he was a redhead, so it’s definitely not his.

  • Jelly

    Miss Rosa – You too huh? Was it something we said?

    Mr Farty – I’m saving THAT footage for another day 😉

    Trixie – I was just reading about your Saturday – isn’t it lovely to work in a male dominated environment? I work at a mine site, so I KNOW THAT FEELING!

    Veronica – Perhaps he dyed his pubic hair in order to remain annonymous?

  • MonsteRawr

    Oh, THAT’s where I left it. Silly me, always leaving my penis lying around…

  • Singing_fairy

    Oh my f*cking god! Thats MY BOYFRIEND steve!

    Lol not really but hillaryarse will keep my one eye out. The other one is currently employed looking for children with phedifilia tendences. I dont trust those childrens “doctors” kits

  • Terence Smelser

    Being as small as it is, its certain that it is not an American Penis.
    However, the balls themselves are far to large to belong to the American President or any of his friends.

    Have you sent this image to Interpol and Scotland Yard? It almost HAS to be European.

    Much luck in finding the owner of said dick.

    And many thanks for an amusing read

    t

  • Optimism crashed my pity party « No Good Reason

    […] time to start dating, so I signed up on dating/social site.  Yep, that’s where the random penis came from, but it’s not all bad.  The site, that is – not the penis.  More on that […]

  • I am fucking fabulous and I have the award to prove it « No Good Reason

    […] I have signed up on a couple of social sites and met some lovely people (and an inbox full of random penis photos) but I am completely out of my element, and I have absolutely no idea what I want.  Is that […]

  • theblacktulip

    um ew? and why is he hiding his right ball with his hand? Is it deformed? or missing? ewwwwww!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: