Naked women made me late for work. I blame the neighbours.

A few weeks ago (on a Monday, funnily enough), I woke up with this unnatural ability to be able to hear a fly landing on a dog turd half a mile away.  So, I figured, I had either developed super powers overnight, or I had one HELL of a headache.  And since, you know, I don’t wear my underwear on the outside, it was definitely the latter.

Anyway, I digress.

I took a few *cough* pills and sat in the shower (yeah, I sit in the shower sometimes, don’t judge me). Then, I got dressed for work, put on the darkest sunglasses I could find and zombie walked my way to the car.  It took me a whole five minutes to work out why I couldn’t see out my windscreen, cos hey? what’s a few more black dots right?  Until I realised they weren’t dots they were rectangles, and not black at all but full colour pictures of naked women. 

I am not making this shit up.  I got out the car and pulled two well known nudie mags from under my windshield wipers.  I looked around.

It was like I had woken up in heaven, IF I was actually a horny teenage boy.  Which I am not.  Surrounding me, on poles and fences and cars were centrefolds plastered as far as the eye could see.  Well, as far as my eyes could see, I had a headache remember?  There were lots of them.  Let’s leave it at that.

So, I am not really sure exactly what happened in my street the night before, but I am pretty sure that it has something to do with my neighbours.  You know, anyone who plays ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ 7 times in a row is totally headed for a breakdown of some kind.  Distributing porn mags is a sign of a breakdown right?

When I got to work, and told them naked women made me late, at first they didn’t believe me.  But apparently the magazines were enough to persuade them.  Or bribe them….


6 responses to “Naked women made me late for work. I blame the neighbours.

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