The week has not started well.
As if I needed ANOTHER reason to hate Mondays, I woke up this morning with the scent of slightly processed sewage taking my nose hairs hostage.
I don’t even know what to say – If the hadn’t already convinced me, the trails of toilet paper in my backyard would have been enough to confirm it wasn’t grey water. YUCK.
Why does this shit happen to me?
Of course, it has given me the excuse to make double entendre’s all day… (this is where I paused to google double entendre’s to make sure a. I spelled it correctly, and b. that is what I actually meant) with such gems as:
“I woke up and there was shit everywhere!”
“I really need to go home and see if someone can fix this shit”
“I hope they have that shit fixed before I get home!”
It’s just so much fun when you are talking about ACTUAL SHIT. There is simply a shitload of possibilities. And it’s also possibly the only slightly positive thing that happened today.
Driving home from work the ute was driving like a three wheeled tractor, so we pulled off the side of the road to have a look. One of the mud guards had some loose and was banging against the wheel. Being the ever resourceful pessimist I am, I just sighed and wired it back on with a coathanger.
Further down the road, I was following a car which had a bumper sticker that read “Sponsored by Centrelink”. No Shit. Why would you advertise that on your CAR?! It’s like saying “Hi, I am unemployed, a pensioner and/or disabled and I get government payments for that shit”. Perhaps I just don’t understand. I wanted to get a photo, but obviously am not as talented as TheBloggess, who manages to take photo’s WHILE DRIVING.
Nearly home, and on the corner of my block I see a young feral, about 16, wearing ripped clothes and shaggy hair, with a sledgehammer pounding at the base of a street sign in what appeared to be an attempt to steal it. Stopped at the light, I watched as he finally broke it, and it crashed to the ground. Throwing the sledgehammer over his shoulder he ran quickly across the road – STRAIGHT INTO A COUNCIL TRUCK. I am really glad I saw this, before I got home and called the Council to report it…
Yeah. That would have been an AWESOME conversation. NOT.
Got home, and it looks like my pool pump is broken – but I can’t check because there is a big evil spider lurking in the vicinity and I am seriously phobic about spiders. Like, jump-out-of-a-moving-car if-someone-mentions-the-word type of phobic.
I’m writing this post, from my bedroom, armed with a can of bug juice, and the doors and windows are locked. Shit. Knowing my luck the house will burn down and I won’t be able to get out…
Send Vodka and Drugs. The codeword is “I have vodka and/or drugs”.