The Gardener and the Blow Job.

A long long time ago (last month) in a far away place (my backyard), the Gardener came to mow the lawns and trim the tree’s at my home.

He seemed like a nice guy, fitting me in on a day’s notice, and giving me a really cheap quote of $100, when the nearest other was $170 (I did have extremely long grass and overgrown gardens, so sue me).  I should have known it was all too good to be true.

He came with a new white van, towing a trailer containing a shiny red ride on mower, and he worked hard to get everything done – when he was finished it looked simply awesome.  Picking up two beers from the fridge and putting the $100 in my pocket I went down to say thank you and pay him.

I handed him his beer, and proceeded to thank him for doing such an awesome job.

“Cheers” He said, wiping the sweat from his forehead.  “That was a lot of work”.

I smiled and again thanked him for giving me such a cheap quote, crossing my fingers that he wasn’t about to ask me for more money (which I didn’t have).  I handed over the $100.

Taking the money, he smiled and said “You know, really the job was worth more than $100, how about $100 and a blow job?”

No Shit.  $100 and a blow job.  That is what he said.

I think the astonished and offended look on my face was apparent – so I paused, waiting for the “Just kidding”, or something similar to follow… I mean really, could he be serious? 

Apparently So.  No apology or explanation was forthcoming.  He just started at me.

I was stunned.  Shocked and Amazed.  Speechless… well, almost.

“You are lucky I already paid you.  Get the fuck outta my yard” I finally spat, disgusted.

Of course I went straight inside and made a few calls, still shocked that this kind of thing ACTUALLY happens, you know, outside a porn movie.

My pool guy said “Shit, that’s a bit much.  He should have offered YOU head for giving him your business!”

My other friend claimed “$100 AND a blow job? That’s a bit rich isn’t it?  Just how much is a blow job worth these days anyway?”

I love my friends.   They even offered to throw a balaclava party and beat him up for me. 

I am still seriously considering it –  I keep thinking, how many people has he tied that on?  The brazen way in which he asked suggests that maybe he has had some success in the past.  And that, is just plain scary.

What say you?  Should I leave it alone, or do something about it?

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3 responses to “The Gardener and the Blow Job.

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